mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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