I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
