I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
