there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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