i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
