I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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