I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
