I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Come see our sink grown plant.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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