Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
