She is in my trunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
