I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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