i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
