He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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