If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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