Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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