Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
