I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
