How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
