Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize