That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
