I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
