Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
