Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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