its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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