just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
