I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
