If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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