You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
