I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
