bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
