her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
