fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
