you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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