I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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