When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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