i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
