He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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