can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
