He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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