So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
