I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's always time for handjobs
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Please don't give away my fajitas
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