I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
