I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
