I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
