there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
