Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
