My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
