hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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