evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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