A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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