Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
