One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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