Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
