sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
