What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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