Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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