he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
