I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't deserve a penis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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