??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I could make wine with my vomit
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
