Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
where does the pee come out of this thing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
