I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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