This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I checked into jail on foursquare
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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