forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
