Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
