I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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