why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
