my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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