so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
