they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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