Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
