Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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