did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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